No one told me. Or maybe they did, but I just didn’t understand. How could a baby’s cry be so piercing? It could pierce the silence, pierce my thoughts, and pierce my heart. I loved her desperately—more than I ever thought possible. But her cry made me want to run to her and away from her at the same time. How could such a tiny being make such a mighty noise?
In those early days of new momhood, the car—that blessed cocoon on wheels—was my favorite piece of baby equipment. It would often lull her to sleep faster than anything else. On errand day, she’d start snoozing somewhere between Main Street and Moore Road, and I would go from one drive-thru to another: dry cleaner, post office, bank, Chick-fil-A, Dairy Queen. Oh, yes—I’d have my quiet and my milk shake too.
Once a week, we’d go visit my mom and dad, who live about an hour away. Usually, she would sleep the last part of the trip and wake up refreshed for Nana and Papa. But one morning, on an especially sleep-deprived day (for me, I mean), she woke up too early and cried for 20 long minutes. I pulled over once to check on her; I talked to her, I sang, I prayed fervently. When we finally arrived at my parents’ house, I handed my sweet little wailer off to Mom and sank onto the sofa.
Through tears of my own, I said, “I can’t do this. I just can’t.”
Gently rocking her grandbaby in her arms, my mother looked at me and smiled. With tenderness, confidence, and the wisdom of a grandparent, she said, “But, LeAnne, don’t you see? You are doing this. You are.”
Her words sank into my heart and spread over it like a balm. My mom knew me so well, knew what I was made of. From that knowledge, she believed in me. And if she believed I could handle motherhood, then I’d believe it too. Even when it was hard.
I have kept those words close ever since, and I pull them out again every now and then. My little one grew up and will graduate from college soon.
But my mom’s words have had staying power through the years, as good words often do. They were a gift in the moment, and they inspire me to speak words of encouragement to others, too—to new moms or anyone who just might need to hear something good and true about themselves.
Oh, and a very Happy Mother’s Day to my mom! Thank you so much for everything!
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Photo of sleeping baby by Tuva Mathilde Løland on Unsplash